Killer Klowns From Outer Space

This is a review of Dana Moran’s review of Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

While I respect the fairly light tone of Moran’s review, I find it has some standard problems common to many horror movie reviews. For starters, she calls the movie “very, very trashy.” Well, that is basically a given. It’s something you should detect right from the start. It’s called “Killer Klowns From Outer Space,” for shit’s sake! You hear that title and you ought to think, “Hmm, maybe this won’t be quite like Pride & Prejudice. Maybe this will be more like Pride & Prejudice and Zombies” (which is a real book, in case you didn’t know).”

In her review, she basically goes over the plot of the whole movie. While that isn’t very difficult to do, it is also not very rewarding. Granted, it can be difficult to avoid doing that when reviewing any straightforward movie, and I’ll probably be guilty of it myself from time to time, but there is a definite risk of having scenes spoiled by watching her review. Thanks, Dana!

She also says it’s not scary unless you’re really scared of clowns. That may be true in many cases. Of course, she overlooks how clown phobias are actually quite common. In other words, plenty of people actually could be a little scared of this movie. Anyway…Yes, the clowns aren’t quite as scary as Tim Curry’s portrayal of Pennywise in “It”, or the real life serial killer John Wayne Gacy (the Gace-inator!), or good ol’ Ronald McDonald (and his terrifying mythology) — but give a Klown a break!

She just does not relent in that regard. She predictably dismisses the clown’s appearances, saying they collectively look like a “papier-mâché disaster” that you’d “get a D on the next day of school.” Man, that’s harsh! But seriously, look at those clowns and tell me they wouldn’t be among the coolest class projects ever. Were I a teacher supervising such a class project, I’d at least give those results a C-. That would even be if I hated clowns, and/or hated the little brat(s) who turned those masks in.

But here we have a very common aspect to horror reviews: People will dismiss the special effects, even if they’re done reasonably well. How could the clowns have looked scarier? She makes no suggestions. She probably just assumes that, because they don’t look absolutely real, they must be poorly done. Well then, Edvard Munch must have been a total piece of shit artist then (look him up if you don’t get the reference).

This also misses the whole point of the movie, appearance-wise: These are aliens from outer space, and therefore we can immediately expect them to have a different, possibly surreal appearance. It’s also just a movie. Furthermore, consider the old school King Kong, or the old school Godzilla. No one watching those movies says the effects are the absolute greatest imaginable. King Kong moves sort of like Gumby, even. Still, despite all that, they are often regarded as decent, classic films. Sure, Godzilla or King Kong never ensnared people in cotton candy pods and sucked their blood through crazy straws, but they merit suspension of disbelief, just as these Klowns do.

She claims the movie lacks a horror movie resolution because the bad guys don’t lose. I’m sorry, but is there a law saying”The bad guys must lose in a horror movie”? If so, I have never heard of it. You may want to contact your Congressman on that one.
She also says it’s a good movie to recommend to enemies who you want to play a prank on. If true, that’s a plus rather than a minus, isn’t it? So here we have a decent movie that could also piss off people we don’t like. Well, I’ll give that two thumbs up (or maybe some middle fingers up, given the irreverent nature of the film makers).

She also calls the movie ignorant, saying it is homophobic, racist against Native Americans, and sexist, adding that “I was trying to find other racisms in there….it’s probably racist against clowns, too. I’m not really sure.” But she doesn’t provide any specifics on these points. And she was actively trying to find racism? Well, isn’t that special! I would spend more time trying to enjoy such movies, despite whatever potentially offensive content they may have.
On a scale, she rates the movie’s plausibility as a -4, saying, among other things, that an old cattle rustler or cotton farmer would never name their dog “Pooh Bear.” That’s interesting. For someone who just critiqued the film for stereotyping, she seems strangely confident that a farmer-type could never name their dog along such lines. Instead she suggests “The dog’s name would be Dwight Yoakham or something.” “Or something,” indeed.

In closing her review, she says that the movie could be remade to star a “shirtless Zac Efron,” because “then it would at least have some shirtless-ness to look at.” Yeah, whatever. I think he can keep his shirt on, and I give it a plausibility factor of zero.
In conclusion of my review, I say check out these Killer Klowns if you (a) want to see a movie about Killer Klowns from outer space, (b) don’t spend a lot of time “looking for racisms,” and you (c) don’t need to see shirtless male bimbos to distract attention from kick-ass Killer Klown action.


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